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Sound of door slamming



 

ANNIE

People park on yellow lines and then are surprised when they get a parking ticket! Ha! There was this one guy today – ‘please, I have a voucher.’ Ha! No excuse! Mind you, he was quite cute.

Nick, Nick, are you OK?

 

Sound of door slamming/laughter

 

ANNIE

Bridget. Oh, it’s you, Hector. Well, there’s something wrong with Nick.

 

BRIDGET

Well I could have told you that!

 

ANNIE

No, he won’t speak, he won’t move.

 

HECTOR

Oh, I know. He is being a poached egg.

ANNIE

A what?

 

HECTOR

For his new acting class.

Hi Nick. Let me guess. You are being – a potato.

NICK

Do I look like a potato?

 

BRIDGET

Yes. A couch potato!

Sound of laughter

 

ANNIE

What about a fish?

BRIDGET

Yes, a frozen fish!

 

Sound of laughter

 

NICK

I am not a fish. I am pain.

 

HECTOR

You are a pain.

 

BRIDGET

Yes, Nick is a pain!

 

Sound of laughter

 

NICK

No, I am pain. Hurt, agony.

 

ANNIE

So, how was your first day as editor, Bridget?

 

BRIDGET

What a day! I had a very important meeting. Big decisions to make.

ANNIE

Oh, like which celebrities, new programme ideas?

 

BRIDGET

No, like which pen to use at my meeting. Blue, black …

 

HECTOR

Oh, which one did you choose?

 

BRIDGET

Blue.

 

HECTOR

Oh … [Makes tutting noise] …

 

ANNIE & HECTOR

Bad choice.

 

BRIDGET

You think so? Oh no!

 

HECTOR

Eunice is so jealous of Bridget’s new job, she won’t talk to anyone!

 

ANNIE

Not even you?

 

HECTOR

Not even me! It is great!

 

ANNIE

You don’t want her to talk to you? Really?

 

HECTOR

Really! Oh, Annie, I hate it when we argue.

 

ANNIE

So do I. I miss you.

 

HECTOR

I miss … [Sound of mobile phone ringing]

Oh, hola Lola. Ha-ha. …

 

ANNIE

Right. Two can play that game.

 

NICK [Composing email]

I started my ‘Totally Being’ acting classes. It is fantastic! I am not doing, I am being ...

 

HECTOR

… A man on the toilet?

 

NICK [Composing email]

Yesterday I was a ‘Poached Egg’.

 

NICK

Yeah!

 

NICK [Composing email]

And today I was ‘Pain!’

 

NICK

I am not a fish! I am ‘Pain.’

 

NICK [Composing email]

Oh, and I think Hector is seeing someone called Lola.

 

NICK

It’s not Eunice, it’s not Debbie, could it be Lola?

 

NICK [Composing email]

But I don’t think Annie knows.

 

ANNIE [Composing email]

Hector is definitely no longer my boyfriend! It’s not Debbie! It’s Lola!

 

HECTOR

Hola, Lola, ha-ha …

 

ANNIE [Composing email]

Anyway - I’ve met a really cute guy called Zeus.

ZEUS

Look, I am Zeus. Why are you so angry?

ANNIE

I am just doing my job – Zeus!

 

ZEUS

Hello again.

 

ANNIE

Hello. We meet again.

ZEUS

You’re happier today.

 

ANNIE

Yes, I am now! But, I’m sorry.

ZEUS

I parked here, so you would come back.

 

ANNIE

Oh. You wanted to see me again?

 

ZEUS

You are so beautiful!

ANNIE

[Sound of giggling]

Oh, well, I’m sorry, but I am going to have to give you [No!] – this, my phone number.

 

ZEUS

Oh.

 

ANNIE

Call me. Who needs Hector?

 

Sound of door opening/closing

 

NICK

Hi Bridget.

 

BRIDGET

Oh!

 

NICK

What ‘oh’?

 

BRIDGET

I know, Superman.

 

NICK

What?

 

BRIDGET

Erm, I mean Clark Kent.

You are being Clark Kent for your acting class.

NICK

No. I’m not. I’m long sighted.

 

BRIDGET

Oh. You’re being long sighted?

 

NICK

No. I am long sighted. I need to wear glasses for reading.

 

BRIDGET

They suit you.

 

NICK

Oh, ah, thank you. So why are you not at Channel 9 today.

 

BRIDGET

Oh, I’m working from home today.

There’s so much to do!

 

NICK

Bridget, what’s the matter?

 

BRIDGET

I can’t do it! Eunice hates me!

 

NICK

Oh, Eunice hates everybody!

 

BRIDGET

They all hate me!

 

NICK

No they don’t!

 

BRIDGET

They all look at me!

NICK

Bridget, you are their boss.

 

BRIDGET

I have to use the executive loo!

 

NICK

What’s the matter with that?

 

BRIDGET

I want to chat to all the girls!

 

NICK

Oh, Bridget, you are one of the cleverest, most beautiful women I know.

 

BRIDGET

Really? Well who are the others?

 

NICK

What do you mean?

 

BRIDGET

You said I was only one of the cleverest most beautiful girls you know.

 

NICK

Bridget! You can do this job.

Channel 9 needs you.

 

BRIDGET

Thank you, Nick.

 

NICK

Hey, it was nothing.

 

BRIDGET

You really look handsome in those glasses.

 

NICK

Ha-ha-ha.

 

HECTOR

Oh, hi Annie.

 

ANNIE

Oh, hi Hector. You look smart.

 

HECTOR

Yes, I am going to meet someone. Oh, Annie, I have something to tell you.

[Sound of mobile phone ringing]. Oh, sorry.

¡Lola! Vale. Si, si, ya voy. Hasta luego.

 

Sound of door slamming

 

ANNIE

[Mimicking Hector]

‘Annie, I have something to tell you.’ Yes, that he is going on a date with Lola! That’s what!

 

BRIDGET

Nick, stop it! You’re tickling me! Oh hi Annie, I didn’t hear you come in!

 

NICK

[Sound of laughing]

 

BRIDGET

Oh Nick! [Sound of laughing] … Stop it!

 

ANNIE

Is everybody happy, apart from me?! [Sound of mobile phone ringing]. Hello.

Zeus! Hi! Well of course I remember you! A drink? Tonight? Ah, I’d love to. Aah!

 

Sound of giggling

 

NICK

[Sound of laughter]. Stop it! You’re tickling me!

 

Sound of door opening & closing

 

ANNIE

Zeus, meet my friends, Bridget and Nick.

 

NICK

Hi – HI!

 

BRIDGET

Well hello Zeus! Annie, where did you find him?!

 

NICK

Yeah, but he doesn’t wear glasses though, does he?

Eh?

 

ANNIE

We’ve had a lovely evening, haven’t we, Zeus.

 

ZEUS

Wonderful, H-Annie. Now I must say goodnight. Please, first may I use your bathroom?

 

ANNIE

Certainly.

 

ZEUS

Thank you.

 

ANNIE

Zeus is such a gentle man.

 

BRIDGET

He certainly is a man.




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